The Silence of My Voice

No, it's happening. I tried refraining. But I guess I was held back till only trying. No attempt whatsoever helped. And I don't think it will. Maybe ten years down the line when I'm sitting up late at night, working and watching some stupid architect I would have married sleeping, maybe then I'll think of you. And still wonder what would my life have been if it had you, like I still do. Maybe I will, for the rest of my life. I'm standing at crossroads where you're nowhere to be seen. And might I say, I don't like that fact. But I'll do with myself, for now. Just know. You're loved. Maybe always will. You're the best I could have got, perhaps. And perhaps I'm not worth you. I'm nothing special, I'm sure of that. ON a dark night, set out walking on the road which is purely illuminated by the moon; THAT is how beautiful my life feels when you're in it. If at all ever, you don't feel lonely even when you'll have no one by you...

I want to screech. Shout out loud so that somebody notices the anguish, if not the screams at all? That pungent feeling when you wish to abscond and run. But then after running a mile away from everything around you, you realize you're just about running the same place. Because there's no where else to go. Every turn you take, draws you to similar facets with different knowledge of screwing you over and over. You think, wait and wish for the same light you found once before. The same light which lit you when yours ran out. I do see a light. Yes. It's not standing with others surrounding me. It came from above somewhere. I try going close, it keeps running away. Maybe it's scared that if once again he illuminates me, he'll never find his own again. But I assure him that's not what I want. I'm happy enough to see him lit, to see him having found his light again. He argues; he says he's here to share the light. There's a problem. We can't share. He...

I've paid Karma enough, so not anymore. I'd begin to start believing in love again because of you. I'm not implementing that you weren't different. You are. You every bit are. If I had a nickel for every guy as amazing as you, I'd only have five cents. You don't have to believe me if you don't want to. Nobody does, so it's not a requite for you either. The problem is that there are too many memories. And each memory evokes another memory of you. And you love soon, and you leave sooner. It was ironic how I judged you and ended up liking you anyway. And it took a little. Only a little. Remember how you said that we were customized for each other? Yeah, that. I don't believe that we were. You just turned out to be somebody who tried relating each countenance of me to some relative facet of yours. And boy, were you awesome at doing it! I told you your voice played havoc to my mind. It really did. That soft lush ring. That was half the reason I did everyt...

Hola! =) It wasn't much long ago when one of my DEAREST chaddi-buddy called me after, what I may perfectly define, ages! I love that guy with all my heart. That one main reason I do is because he's apparently the ONLY guy in my life who does not treat me like a girl. Everything's always clear, like man-to-man. And he jinxed it yesterday. Yes, he did. And I felt like going to his place, and breaking his mom's favourite multiple vases on his head. That man, that bloody man whom I USED to [yes, bitch, I hate you now. Know that if you're reading this!] adore so much, was asking ME out of EVERYONE, how to tackle his girl's growing possessive obsession with him (Yes, you read it right!). And I was there, staring at my laptop screen in utter bafflement, thinking what the hell is wrong with this guy! BUT, being the "nice" person that I'm [alright, don't laugh!], I still went ahead and asked him what the matter was instead of disconnecting [you shoul...