The Silence of My Voice

No matter how expensive make-up you might use, and however expensive a camera might click your face, it's not going to change the fact that beneath all that cake is a woman who could never be anybody's, who could never become what he wanted her to, what people wanted her to. Stop pitying yourself. You're not the only one falling sick and staying up to work your designs. Go gulp a fucking medicine, eat, and get back to work. Smoke's only going to kill you, not give you peace. Hard truth much?  For the complete insecure bitch that you're inside, nobody's going to love you from the outside. Nobody hangs around for a damaged good, or even wait for it to be fixed. Learn to be your own person.  YOU are selfish. Pathetically selfish. All you want is love from people without giving it a thought what you're giving in return to them. You only screw relationships, let alone somebody else.  People change. Face it. You haven't been the same either. Stop bo...

What one needs to comprehend is that not everyone is hard-hearted. Yeah, I know, one of the look-who's-talking moments. College has made me cross an entire diversity of people. Like biological diversities, Fungi, Protesta, Bacteria etc? Yeah, that. Okay too sleep-deprived so I'm allowed to talk crap. Don't pay attention to my crap.  Where was I? Yeah. So apparently not everyone is what they seem. Everyone? Ha! Who am I kidding?  NOBODY is what they seem. Everyone here is a stud, number 1.  People have HUGE egos. With of course, huge attitude issues. Some are SO sweet, and equally SO fake, and equally SO piling, that I want to hit right in their faces. People are more afraid than a pre-school child. Some have immense love around, so much that it hurts. And some they barely smile. The ones who seem most extrovert and loud and sociable, are the most insecure.  All I'm trying to say is that I discovered, I might not be that much of a World-Hater as I thought I was. ...

I've been realising that I'm lately using the word anticipation a lot in life. Maybe because anticipation and surprises, both in a good and a bad way, are what happening in my life. For someone like me who's obnoxiously egoistic, and unjust, and judgemental 24*7, I have been surprised and disappointed by people too often till the extent of extremities.  But you know what they say, "Good things always come in threes." And so do, Pritish, Shekhar and Sharnay.  Know that bro-shit? Yeah, that.  To be honest, my first impression of these three wasn't so good. I mean, like really. I ACTUALLY thought the three to be gays together (Please don't kill me, you three.). =P But as it goes, "Buddies who roll together, stay together." Yeah, you know exactly what I mean.  Pritish, the over-protective kid, the dirty jokes partner. Superlatively concerned about everything. Shekhar, the kid in itself. The sweetest out of all. The jolly one in each gro...

Things we do not expect happen more often than we wish. Anticipation of something that's never going to happen in your hopeful possibilities is the worst form of human torture. Ask a dying man his last wish. Seldom would you find one asking for nothing. Sounds hilarious, doesn't it? Someone dying with all their wishes fulfilled. And that's where the crux of it all lies. The entire gist of it comes down to letting go. We, humans, take immense pride in embracing what mutilates us. We're nurtured with the notion to endeavour whatever it is that we want till our last breath, and if we don't achieve it, die trying. I'm sure the grass is always greener on the other side, and when I reach there, I can see the weeds up close. Until then, I'll try watering my own premature grass. You'll be told to attempt harder, but none will appreciate if you find your own America. We are used to seeing results, but the effort is what we ignore. We brand those strong who try to...

Clamping on firmly to the reminisces suffocate them. Take it easy, take it slow. At times, even the most unencumbered flashes taunt the very essence of what was being. The reverting silence hurts. It wounds you. Surprising, and mocking you as well. Telling you weren't enough. The essentiality of it wasn't enough. Wait! Don't stop. Think, feel, think again. It wasn't worthless. Worthless defines a whole lot of life's otherwise created nuisances. Anything, but that. Shut your eyes. I know you still seek her. The mystery that she is, has kept you on your toes. Her irrelevance to whatever she did and said, drew you to her. Her way of talking in circles, and still establishing perfect sense for you withdrew your frowns. Wait, stop, look. She stood there. Aloof, amongst the crowd. As you were. But something about her made her mingle with the aliens enveloping her. She was all that was for you to foresee. And just as she brushed past you, her woody, fruity hint sent you on...

Too much creativity surrounding my life, eh? So, thanks to Ajay, who's created this award called Creative Blogger.  So following are the rules. 1) Okay, so since  Ajay  has been too kind to award me, I'm going to go ahead being modest and confess that I totally deserved it. LOL. Kidding. I really thank him for this. It's a major boost. Although I agree that I have been seriously not doing much to this blog, I promise to be back with a bang! =D 2) a. Three things about myself, I'm throw things when I lose my head. I never remember things I do when I feel sleepy. It's almost like I'm sloshed. I'm going to bed nowadays with my socks on.     b. Two things people don't know about me, I love Red Velvet Cake. I've started paying visits to salons.      c. I would want to change my hair. I cut them REALLY short          last summer, and it's about time I grow them back.    3) Okay, so...

All right! Befor anything else, I WILL post abou the amazing award Ajay rewarded me with!  Conference shizz going on in college. Three days of kickass shit. Yeah, I know, I promised to refrain from using any colloquial adjectives containing ass, but what the hell! Too many cool people in the surroundings.  College in an integral phase. You live it to grow, and know yourself. Knowing all categories of people, which is missing from school life, tells you a lot about yourself. Well more in the way of helping you realize them. I hate: Hypocrites. Passionately! I feel like beating the living pulp out of them each time they open their mouth.  Boy-crazy girls. I guess whoever it is, they're already aware, so I'm waiting to see the time when they drop dead themselves.  Irresponsibility. Beats the bloody shit out of my mind's calmness.  Confrontations. Worst. Thing. Ever.  People way too madly in love. Mean of me, I know. It just is. I'm sorry. Frustra...

I broke down yesterday at the end of the day. Bad, really bad. Hasn't happened in almost a decade. The way to extract all your frustration out, which has simply been piling up due to your own ignorance. Ignorance that keeps you protected from the world. Ignorance that doesn't permit you to evade your vulnerability to the world. The same damn ignorance that taunts your cynicism each day, telling you that you're breaking apart inside. Irresponsibility, negligence, unpunctuality, lies, choices, options, time, aloofness - everything is getting to the best and worst of me. It's leaving me irritated, and agitated, exasperated, ostentatiously angry and weepy. There could have only been two things - either I could have beaten everyone who came in front of me into a pulp, or wept - which I certainly did. Plus my foot refuses to be healed, over which days of constantly bending over your table has given me perennial body ache that just doesn't seem to go away. Case study submi...

Things have got way too crazy, and way out of control to be put together as one. I keep running only to reach back to square one. Running after the same thing in circles, I predicate. Old liaisons hurting, new bonds too brittle to make a mark. Everything fades into darkness. Everyone is as mean as it gets, as cunning as it gets, as selfish as it gets, and as two-faced as it gets. I want to lock myself up in a room, and never come out. I want to screech and hit at people who annoy the shit out of me. I want to kill people taking me for granted, and expecting me to be there only for their countable selfish motives. And I most surely want to beat the shit out of people who think they're too smart, too popular, too witty and too nice to be friends with, and carry the stench of dirty water all the while. Realisations and momentary happiness are no more of a sweet fruit. Bite me. And at times it feels that people close to you themselves try to push you into a cauldron full of bitterness....

Okay! I is back. And the trip be awesome!  It was crazy, and random, and nice. Yeah, these are our signatures now. Lots of work, pretty random shit, serious shit, cute shit, Akanksha-has-turned-into-a-girl shit, and etceteras shit. AND loads of FOOD. Good Gujarati food. Loads to update, loads to share. And yessss! I'll be back with the Confessions routine in a few days.  Things are shitty. I have a half fractured leg almost healed, a wounded right hand, and loads of work till the end of the next month. Too much happiness, eh? Doesn't matter. The trip gave me s much singular happiness that it'll run for life. Well until the next year's trip. It's normal to feel out of place once your shell breaks. Of course, you wouldn't expect a butterfly to befriend a bee. But then they both wander over flowers. You can always adjust. You should be enough for yourself. Stick to what you've chosen. Stick to your decision. Stick to yourself. Don't listen if you think it...

Okay. Sorry for not being able to update the Confessions routine, courtesy my college trip, and limitless measuring of mosque, and limitless tiredness.  Annnnnnd, FANTABULOUS FEBRUARY is here! FINALLY!  And today's inspiration is... Wait. See. Look at me. Try to envisage. I'm the most ecstatic thing ever gifted to you. I've given you reminiscence, ideas, the ability to see, to talk, to even love. I've given you the chance to know the universe like the back of your hand. Look at me again, I'm pretty, pink - even your girls like the tint. Don't misuse me. It hurts. Don't take me for granted. I have the power to make you see things non-existent, turn you non-existent for the world. The world will talk of my importance, but they will chick me out of their might too. Listen. Think. Yes, you need my help to think. But, think. Don't waste me. I'm valuable. You'll realise my essentiality some day. But I'm always around. I'll see you till...

It's Day 10! Teehee. =D You can know about the routine  here . So the day's confession is about MUSIC.   Your favourite song, the story behind it.    Confess it! [FACEBOOK PEOPLE YOU CAN JOIN IN TOO] You can write your confessions on your respective blogs, mail the links for the same at akanksha1293@gmail.com. OR, if you don't want to reveal your identity, and think your story might embarrass you, no problemó! You can mail your confessions to me, and I, and only I would be witnessing your confessions. They would only be posted on my blog - no identity revealed. I'd be your confession box. Music was apparently the only escape in life when everything turned its back toward me. It took me out of the blues, and held me my ground all the time.  The post will be updated late night. You can even have the morning to yourself, if you wish. Still lazy to work, and excited about college trip, Ak.

SO sorry about the late post. Too much work, and sleep deprivation. Day nine. You can know about the routine  here . So today's confession is about THE DARK SECRET. Everyone has it. Deep down. The one you didn't even allow for your soul to see.  Confess it! [FACEBOOK PEOPLE YOU CAN JOIN IN TOO] You can write your confessions on your respective blogs, mail the links for the same at akanksha1293@gmail.com. OR, if you don't want to reveal your identity, and think your story might embarrass you, no problemó! You can mail your confessions to me, and I, and only I would be witnessing your confessions. They would only be posted on my blog - no identity revealed. I'd be your confession box. Enough said. <3 The post will be updated late night. You can even have the morning to yourself, if you wish. Hopelessly ignoring work, Ak.

Day ateeeeee! Ha, funny! Day 8, companèros. You can know of the routine  here . So the confession for the day is MADNESS. That one insane incident that either gives you goosebumps, or makes you roll each time with laughter.  Confess it! [FACEBOOK PEOPLE YOU CAN JOIN IN TOO] You can write your confessions on your respective blogs, mail the links for the same at akanksha1293@gmail.com. OR, if you don't want to reveal your identity, and think your story might embarrass you, no problemó! You can mail your confessions to me, and I, and only I would be witnessing your confessions. They would only be posted on my blog - no identity revealed. I'd be your confession box. Okay, the world now, for sure, knows the kind of enduring madness I ensue. Although my last post had been about dreams, but this one dream is what drives me to madness and fear. Strange dream, though. Sometimes that's all I get. I see an endless flight of steps, leading to light. I keep on descending...