Blogmas 2020 Day Nine: Tum Ghana Chhaya

In my teens, I dreamt about everything materialistic. In my early 20s, I dreamt about money. In my latter 20s, well, there's a lot more. We grow, we grow up, and we place a price on what's vital to have.

We put a value to worth in diverse measures. Even ourselves. Especially, ourselves. Whoever taught us, or told us that we're the kind to which a denomination can be placed. It's easy to believe good things about yourself; easier to believe the bad ones. We're often not very hospitable to ourselves. We're all torn between believing whether we're virtuous of our own love, or not. I'm not very implicit at this point, why we're in a steady battle with ourselves because of others' demeanours. It's an impact, sure. But, I feel we give too much of a voice to others, before we remember to give ours a value. 

I've always felt criticism, feedback, and discipline is the healthiest way to grow. And, I hold a deep respect, in a place very personal in me, for people who believe, and practice the same. And, that's not because of an incidental similarity. It's because I know where they're coming from when they walk up and down that altar everyday. 

What I don't believe the healthiest way to grow is humiliation. A lot of us practice it. What people fail to do is understand the lack of corroboration between a humiliation, and a challenge. So, a lot more of us practice it in masked ways. I'm not perfect, and I won't pretend to be. I have behaved in the past in ways, forget finding acceptable, I am, to put it plainly revolted by it. Sometimes, bad days turn us into a bad person. That's not to say there's anything appalling about it; it's just human. A bad day is like a soda can that slipped out of your hands, just as you were about to open it. If you open it instantly, the soda is going to blow up in your face. If you wait long enough, it'll fizz out. Same thing, we're soda bottles. In the latter, though, I'm afraid, at times we wait too long, either trying to simmer down, or looking to find the appropriate words. This leaves us with nothing being as impactful as we wish for it to be anymore. Now, that gets massed up. More often than not, we end up taking those ostentatious   deposits out on ourselves.

Just as hard we attempt on a bad day, not to hurt the people we love, I can't, for the life of me, comprehend why we keep throwing ourselves under the bus, instead. So, when we try taking a tough day, a bit fluidly, we hold a guilt for it. And, there's also the off chance to be labelled selfish. A lot of the prior boils down to assuming what, and how much of it we deserve. Again, who asked you to put a number on it? We're taught that for others, we have to be selfless. I think we've been taught it the wrong way around. We need to be selfish for others, just as much as for ourselves. And, that line starts with us. Because you can't drive a car with a broken foot.

Be selfish. Be it aggressively, on some days. There's a 100% no chance that you'll be able to put a smile on everyone's faces around you. But, there is a 100% chance you can put a smile on your face. And, even if that's all you can manage, that's still one person more you helped smile today.

A lot of things deserve to be placed first in life, and a lot of them, seconds. But, not yourself. 

More tomorrow. Until then.

Artist: Animade

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,
A.