Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Chitti Chitti Bang Bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =P


Apart from the ultra-boring life that I’m currently leading since past couple of weeks, well companeros, I got into Sushant School of Art and Architecture. *dances her ass off*

You know those heart wrenching movies like The Day After Tomorrow and Alien vs Predator or Bourne Ultimatum?
Well as interesting they sound and look, and although I'd loved these movies to death, they ring multiple insanity bells in my head.


The Day After Tomorrow.
Day after I'll be in my den, sipping fresh watermelon crush and reading yet another novel (just by the way I finished One Night in Rio this afternoon).
Even though directed with great effects, with an even greater crew, the film manages to make me poop some times.
Even though the water level rose enough for half the Manhattan towers to be submerged, the public library somehow manages to have the water be held back only to the ground floor. Although the water force was considerable enough to not shatter the statue of liberty in fine shreds, it still leaves its torch out to provide enough heat to the hero when he walks to the ship in a weather that's freezing buildings in and out, but only ices his moustache which is hardly there. And for further convenience, there's a ship right outside the building for the Captain knew that the lead actress was probably going to be infected with septicaemia and the hero would rush to her rescue, and even fight the wolves for her, who actually came out of zoo and directly into the ship, love-biting the hero's sidekick friend.

Although Jake Glyllenhaal is mind-numbingly, heart-achingly adorable, he falls for a plain Jane who's so nerdy, it hurts. I mean, come on? What was the need to even make him love her? So he could go up to New York for a stupid quiz competition, stick his ass there with ice, fight with wolves, remain unaffected by snow, fill in loads of penicillin than any ship bounds to contain, and then practically have his Dad walk in ice all the way across the States. They didn't even forget to include a tornado, which along with half of LA, destroys the proud Hollywood. I'm sure Marilyn Monroe was booing her ass of, while her skirt still flew with the effect of the strong currents tornado. Even though the "solar output" was normal, and the south was warm, our dear Surya Dev failed to melt the ice. Speaking of south, Mexico was the only country the entire States was running to.




How can I EVER, EVER forget this man? Yes, yes, he's the one who, when buffed up, would resemble the worst case scenario of a John Cena twin.
No, idiota! He's an ex-CIA assassin who eludes the entire Moscow police, puts CIA on the line, and whose girlfriend is shot dead in the head and thrown in a river in which she's eaten up by the piranhas.
He flees with an ex-Treadstone technician, who seems to have a secret code for every situation. She keeps exchanging looks with Bourne, like they'd jump to bed any time of the day, but chooses to climax just at the mere sight of her. So charming that he's, he even makes CIA agent have a change of heart, who in turn breaks the bubble of a fellow CIA agent who probably eats omelettes instead of chicken carricatores for lunch, and might have even dated Pamela if she didn't fall for Bourne's unbecoming charm.
And then Bourne is actually Tom Cruise from "Knight and Day" (Yes yes, the "with me, without me" guy who's married to a woman taller than her, with a daughter who has more style statement than Lady Gaga), since he swims for three days at a stretch without being detected as a strangely huge human shaped shark.



Coming to Die-Hard 4, it had broken my heart. So much love that I had for the trilogy! Bruce Willis jumps off cars, hits a helicopter bang on, fall from at least a 50ft high flyover, fights with the villain's sidekicks, protects a kid, protects her frequently-surname-changing daughter from the villain who might have raped her to avenge his girlfriend's death, and even shoots himself in the shoulder so that the bullet goes through him and pierces the villain's shoulder and kills him in an instant. Why did he even need to uplift such nuisances for such an incompetent villain.

So as simple as it may sound,

1) The aliens and specially-able creatures have some personal grudges with the US, and they decide upon stealing resources solely from this continent.

2) Everyone in Hollywood is Rajnikanth. They can fight, kill, dance, play every sport, and still manage to look like Greek Gods. [No offence to Sir Rajnikanth who was so smart in Robot that he created a way to plant a seed in his lover's womb that would produce a robot cum human baby (no he wouldn't look like Harvey Dent), and still have an ambical cord attached with his mother when he'd be delivered]

3) The Predators even befriended humans for the sake of killing Aliens. Talk of egoistic pride! And the predator would be a little more inclined towards the Black woman (maybe he thought they were long lost siblings) who was so thankful to the director  to have given her a film after she starred in the Scary Movie.

4) If the hero wants to jump from continent to continent to claim the woman he loves, he'll be served with instant cross-country flights without suffering any Visa problems. (Maybe because he has Mastercard =P)

5) The heroine is always going to be a damsel in distress. Meryl Streep, salute! And teenagers are permitted to lose their virginity at the age of 15, even when they don't drive a car!

6) Even if the heroine is a tough gut agent or a spy, she flinches and melts at the mere touch of the hero, who's perpetually the only lover she's had, well because she's a nerd at school and happily ever after is treated more than just a ritual. And he's also the only one she ever desires or finds sexy, and gives away her virginity too! I tell you, US should probably cut down on their Mills&Boons!

7) Every other person in US is an undercover agent. And the best friend of the hero dies saving him and his lady love, because he's always secretly in love with the heroine.

8) Every mutant, superhero, or any random chuchcha bitten by a bug would be found in US. They even have museums where inanimate creatures come to life only when Satan starts to roam the streets of New York!

Moral? Next time, you feel like making fun of Bollywood, remember - every person in the States is Rajnikanth.


*Sigh* See you! Lots and lots and lots of love. And some extra love to NG and Ajay! I don't know how they knew that I'd probably score well both in Boards and college! You guys are awesome! =D
Tener cuidado. :*

12 comments:

  1. Treat, treat, treat, treat!

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    1. Yes yes yes yes! (I sound like Daniel Bryan now =P)
      I can't find you! Paste out your Facebook URL.

      Delete
    2. You can find out how to reach me here.

      Delete
  2. I like your taste in movies
    But, Jane was not a nerd :@
    Woh itni hi buri thi to jake persia chdke new york kyun aa gya :P
    John Cena twin wali baat hahaahahaha
    Die Hard 4 broke ur heart (0.o)?

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    Replies
    1. Someone knowing answers to ancient history IS a nerd!
      Not really. The stupidity did.

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    2. According to ur defination
      i m also a nerd =P
      (History is an amazing subject)
      And there was no stupidity in die hard 4, infact the idea of fire sale was very amusing
      (U know i saw chineese monk on t.v whose body is so strong that even a drill can't penetrate it)

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    3. The fire sale wasn't stupid.
      Getting almost every bone broken in your body and still killing the villain with just a single bullet is!

      Delete
    4. Chadd yaar
      Sab kch asli dikhayenge to phir use movie kon kahega

      Delete
  3. lol@ the comments. and the post. funny. like really.

    and congrats on everything.
    and that dress is gorgeous. as are u ofcourse :)

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    Replies
    1. Haha. Thank you!
      That's really sweet. Gracìas!

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  4. Some of the parts are so true! Like about how all the alien guys attack US first. It's like they go for the dumbest targets!
    I also agree with Hollywood guys being a handsome version of Rajnikanth! But hey, don't diss Rajnikanth! i love rajnikanth jokes! everybody does.
    And although I didn't get why your picture was there, but it was a nice change to see someone less muscular after Matt and Bruce! :)

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    Replies
    1. Haha. Yes, that's true. I'll keep that in mind.
      It's the extra love to NG and Ajay, if you read. =)
      Thank you!

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