The Silence of My Voice

 Being alright with both, when something you tried manifesting, does, and didn't, is a very bold space to be. Funnily enough, there's a lot of self added in every verb we need to describe our behaviour towards ourselves. Talk about emphasising the point. Everyone has their own way of practising self-(insert desired verb here). Mine is, a lot of the times, with music. And, that holds true for the majority of us. Just a good, ol' Rewind for today. "...you were staring down the street 'cause you were, tryin' not to crack up, It wasn't like a rain, it was more like a sea..." "....I was three days on a drunken sin, I woke with her walls around me, Nothin' in her room but an empty crib..." "...kerosene in my hand, you made me mad, On fire again, all the pills that you take..." "...In the skies over black Venice, I see eyes of a white menace, The surprise of the week, is that I never heard the sound, All the L.A. women..." ...

Hello. Just ten days to Christmas. 2015 was the first BlogMas year, while I was still in college, and through the years 2016-18, I was working. There was always a deadline, or a holdup with a few days every year. I used to post by a couple of days late, but I've always covered through the backlogs.(big wonk here, this is unhealthy)  This year, no pressure, no deadlines, no delays with the posts, and let me tell you this was more tedious than the previous ones because I've been steady. Daily blogging is no joke. There's been certainly more urgency in making sure there's enough ease for me to share as much as I can through the posts, everything that's been going on in my life for the year. When you miss a day, there's always an undertone of guilt you feel, while contemplating about the many things you wanted to write about. And, that indirect guilt made finding content to talk about relatively easier.  But, as the tradition of every BlogMas goes, I'l...

My day doesn't begin without music. It doesn't end without music. Not that hard to predict, but I'm an absolute sucker for lyrics and voices. My father has always had a massive role to play in my music taste. Somewhere in between his massive collections of Manna Dey, Hemant Kumar, S.D. Burman, Rafi and Jagjit Singh, Gulzar and a lot of Pakistani plays, I created my safe place. That's where all my rides with nostalgia take me. I remember running through Deer Park back home with my father every Sunday morning, with him sharing trivia about his favourite musicians and singers and actors. And oftentimes, while mapping our way through the forest back home, he'd stop amongst a bunch of trees playing with the light of cold December sun which he thought of nothing less than beautiful, with the birds chirping, he'd hum a tune or two. And that's still one of his favourite things to do - sitting in his living room with a strong cup of masala chai, his newspaper, earl...

Hello. It's Day Ten! It was, today, a legit thirty-hour working day. It started yesterday, for people with weak math. Deadlines are scary and funny at the same time. And in such times, is all one can undoubtedly turn to. As I did for the last two years, I have another BlogMas Rewind. I just keep going back to older music.  Broken by the love, This hurt divides itself, Decided that kissing you is bad for my health हम आपके क़दमों पर, गिर जाएंगे ग़श  खा कर, इस पर भी न,  आँचल की हवा दे तो I will judge myself, Guilty of loving you too much, I will offer you my whole self, not just my best लाख़ मना ले दुनिया,  साथ न यह छूटेगा, आके मेरे हाथों में, हाथ न यह छूटेगा The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I'd never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you   ज़िन्दगी के रास्ते अजीब हैं, इन में इस तरह न कीजिये, ख़ै...

I was standing in this book shop, peacefully trying to find something interesting to read, as everyone does. I mean what else do you go to a book shop for? And there he was, this annoying, bloody superlatively annoying kid,  disrupting the silence and shouting! It made me want to hit him so hard! Two kid-oriented annoyances in a day. Oh, the first one? It was at IHC where while interviewing the band L For Vendetta, we had kids around pricking balloons just for the sheer exasperating sound of that shit bursting, by what grace of God is enjoyable, only they know. Everyone had hilarious, different reactions to it [Read: Abhilasha]. And amidst the bothersome children going gaga (And LFV hates Lady Gaga, just by the way) over balloons, all I could see was how different and enticing each person in the band is. Y'all have known by now how unsociable I am at times, especially with strangers. And trust me, interviewing them for almost 4-5 hours was one of the best experiences I've ev...

Haunt me, Unlike the ways of spirits, Imprinting my soul by yours, Haunt me, Leaving your scent unto me, Like a room filled out by baked apples, Haunt me,  Until I start hallucinating, And haunt me, As if you truly follow me, Haunt me, By the sweet tones of your piano, Whereby I sat watching you play, Haunt me,  With the bitterness of the morning coffee, With the torn pages of the book, You could never read to me, Haunt me, again, With all the singularly eyed jokes, And the laughter that followed, Haunt me, still, Through the seconds, When you helped me replace my guitar strings, Haunt me,  Haunt me, till I hum the tunes you made, Haunt me, until the edge of madness, And haunt me,  Till I bleed of you. Been long gone, eh? Some inspiration it took, this one. Buzzed, Ak. 

It's Day 10! Teehee. =D You can know about the routine  here . So the day's confession is about MUSIC.   Your favourite song, the story behind it.    Confess it! [FACEBOOK PEOPLE YOU CAN JOIN IN TOO] You can write your confessions on your respective blogs, mail the links for the same at akanksha1293@gmail.com. OR, if you don't want to reveal your identity, and think your story might embarrass you, no problemó! You can mail your confessions to me, and I, and only I would be witnessing your confessions. They would only be posted on my blog - no identity revealed. I'd be your confession box. Music was apparently the only escape in life when everything turned its back toward me. It took me out of the blues, and held me my ground all the time.  The post will be updated late night. You can even have the morning to yourself, if you wish. Still lazy to work, and excited about college trip, Ak.