Friday, 19 July 2013

Ravenous Of Love

"You pretty nicely seem to have forgotten your manners. Do not raise your voice in front of me like that again!", another of Natasha's if-you're-younger-be-nice toned scream came out.
The maid silently cleared the bed of the quilts she was setting for the night, and marched out of the room realising this was not going to be good.
"I am not a child anymore, Nata. Stop telling all the time what to do.", Samantha screamed back.
Natasha, dazed, stared at her little sister. Only that she wasn't little anymore. She had transformed into a woman, and a fierce one at that. 
"Then stop acting like one.", Natasha countered. 
Samantha kept glaring back with such fury that she was burning inside. Ashamed on talking in an unruly manner with her sister, she looked away, and she breathed down some sobs. Natasha, unable to see her sister cry, took a step towards her to comfort her. As she raised her hand in a gesture to stroke her face, Samantha retreated.
"Don't", Samantha demanded, "Stop acting like you care, Nata. We both know you don't."
Stunned, Natasha couldn't bring words from her throat, out her mouth, "What?"
"If you did, you would have spent time with me", Samantha argued, "If you did, you would have known I hate these parties, I hate your people, I hate this house and I hate you. All you're ever concerned about is money. Mom and dad would have never let this happen."
Wide-eyed, Natasha clenched her teeth in anger, "Money? You think money's more vital to me than you? If I didn't care about money, how exactly do you think I would have saved this house, raised you up, given you an education, given you a life Mom and Dad envisioned for you?"
Unable to bear standing in the vicinity of her, Samantha retaliated at her best or worse, she couldn't quite figure, "Oh really? If you really had been concerned, Jess would have been alive today. She died because you ignored her. She was this small, Nata, this small," she said as she spanned her hands to characterise Jess, "She died because she wasn't our blood, because her only fault was being the daughter of a servant. She died because you couldn't stand the illegitimacy you thought she brought to our name."
Samantha's words stabbed Natasha's heart like pin-pricks, but what hurt her more was the way she spoke of her. It was the same derogatory way in which she'd spoken of her own father when they'd found out their half-sister, a baby, lying in a carrier at their door. 
Looking at Natasha's stunned expression, she continued, "Hurts on hearing your own endeavour from someone else? Face it, Nata. You left Jess to die because you wanted to avenge our father's infidelity which broke them both."
"Sammy!", and she raised her long hands to slap her. 
Before Natasha could say anything to justify her remorse on hitting her, Samantha fled from the room yelling how much she hated her.

Natasha got out from her verandah towards the shore. As she walked lifelessly, she reached the tree where her father had suspended three wooden planks with strong jute ropes from the highest branch of the tree for his three daughters. As she touched the ropes of the swing, a thousand memories flashed in her mind. She sat on the one against the bark, like she always did, in a manner of following a chronological order of seating by age. Her head was filled with thousands of things her parents had told her, taught her. She closed her eyes....

Natasha had been barely able to drive after the thunderous phone call from the hospital. Her parents had gone to her grandparents' party while she was voluntarily babysitting her little sisters and studying for college. It was on their way back that their car was crushed by a lorry. She was baffled as soon as she reached the hospital. Cluelessly she took constant rounds at the reception and around nurses to find her parents. Finally, she saw her father's bodyguard there and rushed to him. He led her to the rooms her parents were admitted in. She caught the emergency doctor who was attending to her parents on the entrance of the door. There were a million things racing through her mind, but the only words she vomited were, "Are they going to make it?" The doctor shook a blatant no. Natasha crashed against the wall on her right and stared at the floor, not knowing what to say to her parents inside. As she entered the room, the view of her parents made her weak. Hearing the creek of the door her mother turned towards her and smiled, and extended her hand for her to grab.
"Mom...", and she smiled as she saw the same glitter in her mother's eyes each time they looked at each other.
"Nat, who's..with..Sam..and....J..Je..", her mother struggled to speak, and Natasha quickly held her hand, indicating for her to stop talking.
"They're fine. They're both in bed. Mom. What will I tell them?"
Her mother, still seeming calm in a condition like this, "Nat, And..please..forgive..your..fath.." And with that, Natasha saw the light leave her mother's eyes. She wanted to weep, to scream, to somehow bring her back to life. But she knew better. She still had her father to face. A she turned around to look for her father's bed, placed diagonally opposite to her mother's, she hastily wiped her tears and walked over to him, to find him already crying with his face away.
"Dad?" He turned on hearing his daughter, and smiled. 
"She's gone, isn't she?" Natasha nodded a silent yes. Her father held his hand in the air to reach her, and she instantly grabbed it like it was the only thing keeping her alive. 
"Nat. Nobody can see death coming, but we can prepare beforehand to minimise the consequences. I'm sorry I couldn't do much about it. Take care of my company, child. I nourished it with a lot of love. And raise your sisters with love and only love. Teach them strength, teach them independence, teach them forgiveness, teach them togetherness, teach them to swing on the planks I've placed for you all, and tell them about your parents. Promise me you'll fight for them always, Nat." Natasha smiled at him as tears cascaded from her beautiful cat eyes. 
"Goodbye, Dad." she said as she sat beside him in his last minutes.

She opened her eyes as she relived the horror of the night she lost her parents, her face wet from the tears that cascaded her eyes. She suddenly felt a presence, and turned towards her right. Her eyes widened in shock as she saw, on the rightmost swing her...her mother. Bright and radiant, she looked younger than she remembered from the last she saw her. She was still crying. And she held her hand out to touch her, but was too far. Her mother reached out for her, only for her hand to pass through hers like rain through fog. Looking back at her silently, she was shimmering like an angel.
"Mom?" Natasha broke the silence.
"You are very strong, honey. So strong. Just like your father. And so is Sam." The sudden mention of her sister's name made her weep like a baby.
"Oh, Mom. What do I do? She thinks I don't care for..."
"I know what she thinks, Nat. And I know what you think too. And trust me, you've done an amazing job with her. She is just angry. She has your father's temper. In the wake of becoming her parents, you forgot to be her sister. Grow young with her, honey, go into her world to know what she wants. Don't bring her into yours to understand her. And most of all, tell her to forgive your father. He was an impeccable man, and one mistake doesn't define a person" her mother smiled, as though reminiscing about him.
"And Mom, Jess..."
"Jess wasn't your fault, Nat. She was born with an untreatable tumour. She would have left us anyhow. I'm sorry we couldn't tell you any earlier."
Natasha witnessed the shadow of her mother disappearing as she started to walk towards the sea. And she panicked. 
"Mom?! Please don't leave us again. MOM?!"
The faint image of her mother turned about smiling, "I'm always here...", and she vanished. 
Natasha didn't realise how long she'd been sitting there in nonentity, crying, releasing all the frustration, anger and hurt that had piled up inside her in so many years. 

She got up to walk back inside the study to work. As she sat at the table, scrutinising her laptop screen, her eyes fell on a picture of her and Samantha. She stared at it for a few long minutes. She walked out of her study, and straight into the kitchen to fetch two pints. She climbed the stairs to Samantha's room to find her missing. Her room was a mess, amidst which she found the brochure to a ballet dancing academy. Guilt shot inside her. She had never seen her sister dance, she'd chosen board rooms instead. She walked up to the roof to find Samantha sitting on the parapet edge. Terrified of such heroism, she was about to yell at her to get down from there, but somehow refrained herself. She told herself that she's not the kid anymore she raised after their parents died. She silently went up to her and seated herself beside her. She extracted the caps of the pints and placed one in the centre while she drank hers. 
Samantha was shocked to see her sister drinking beer instead of expensive scotches and champagnes. She silently picked up the bottle placed for offer. 
Natasha broke the silence, "Jess was born with inoperable tumour, Sam. And I engrossed myself in work because I had to save the company. I promised Dad I would. And I'm sorry for not talking to you ever about how you felt on growing up without Mom and Dad, because I didn't have to face such atrocity, I thought you'd be fine too. I'm sorry for being a parent instead of a sister when you needed me to be. And I'm sorry for not attending your dances, and for not dropping you off to school, and for not helping you with your homework, and for not realising you hated Calculus. And I'm sorry for not spending time with you at the swings Dad made for us."
Samantha was still looking forward as though she never heard anything Natasha was spilling out, but only her eyes couldn't stop the tears. Natasha looked at her for a couple of minutes, realising how similar they actually were, and added, "You know I wanted to be a car mechanic."
Samantha turned to look at her in bewilderment. They stared at each other for a few intense seconds and broke into laughter. 
"I think I want to do ballet.", Samantha replied, as she took another gulp of the beer. 
"I think I know just the right person who'd be able to guide you."
After a couple minutes or so, Samantha drifted towards Natasha's side and rested her head on her shoulder while grabbing her arm, the same way she used to when she was a child. Natasha tilted her head a little so as not to disturb Samantha's position and placed a kiss on her forehead, as they both drank beer and glared at the sea. But what Natasha saw was her angelic mother, again. Smiling at her, proud and glad, as she turned away towards the sea yet again. 

Courtesy: Pintrest



  1. by God, that's so beautifully written.

    your second post with orphans ain't it? not to be taken in the wrong way girl, but there are other pains too. keep experimenting !! :)

    1. You remember! Yes, it is. I'll try my best.

    2. of course i remember. :)

      I need your exact merciless judgement on it.

    3. I don't think it needs my exact merciless judgement seeing the number of followers you have.

    4. it doesn't. i do! and ma'am, i don't trust everyone's judgement. just a select few. but if you are too busy, no issues. :)

  2. This is pure magic with words. Very nicely written. :-)


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