Monday, 15 July 2013

Stoner 5

You know what is the worst thing in the world? Habit. Habits are stubborn. They never listen to the Best of you. They're dangerous; as dangerous as equally enticing. It's hard attaining a new habit, but even harder letting go of the need to feed your life off of it. I've seen people devastating themselves because of things/people they've grown habitual of. And for all we know, it's not exactly the next best prettiest sight after a clear night sky. One thing I'd promised myself was that no matter how much it might ever hurt me, I'll be with a person because I would want to be, and not because I'm habitual of him. And through the course of having our first conversation to becoming friends to becoming really close friends to becoming really close and finally to getting almost together, I'd find something new about you everyday. Something new, that would give me perfectly new ways to figure you out everyday. I wouldn't exactly claim to be lonely prior to your magnanimous admission into my life. I was living life more on solitary terms. And then enter Mr. Pixie, confusion enthralled all over my life. I do not usually take less than a couple of months to grow attached to someone. But you, Mister, you were one ostentatious change to accommodate. Or at least that's whatI thought initially. Just a week of dumbfuck crap, great music, and a few cigarettes, and you were there. I mean, just there. I'd grown to appreciate you while trying to understand the nutjob that you most certainly are. I bet it must have been pretty normal for you right from the beginning till the end. I'm sure it was. I don't really consider myself someone going around having a amending effect on people. And that's the first thing that made things go bonkers, perhaps. You can't just mutilate excitement and effort solely from one side. You need balance for that. But it was fine, you know. Till the time you made me laugh and provided me with the comfort of sharing anything with you under the sun, or moon, or stars..okay, fine make that sky..so yeah, it was all fine. At a point even talking crap with you gave me so much happiness, that it baffled me when I thought of how would I ever repay you. And then doomsday happened. For me, of course, not you. And then...ZAP! Remember when I said it was a good thing I found you for I found me too? I wasn't solitary anymore. I grew lonely. I grew lonely because I couldn't anymore call you without the hesitation of disturbing you late at night. I grew lonely because when I still looked at people around me, I again realised I didn't belong with them. I grew lonely because the one I actually belonged with wasn't constantly whatsapping me to keep me from having a BT from those awful people around. I grew lonely because I was disowned actually, not for singing, but yeah, actually. I grew lonely because I didn't have you anymore to share my solitude with. I didn't lie when I said you were solution to half the things in my life. I'm still looking at life the same way I used to before you came in. There's just no more you in the picture there with your stupid non-widening, eye squeezing smile right in front of all the headaches. 

I don't miss you. Really, I don't. I don't miss the guy I fell in love with. I just miss my closest friend. I miss talking crap, singing crap, being stupid, being cheesy, laughing and giggling all the time with him. In all, I miss being me. I miss finding myself everyday. I miss discovering new things with him. So yeah, I just miss my friend. A lot. 

Love,
Ak.

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