Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Stoner...9

It's your day man. Yes, you're awesome, and yes, you're pretty amazing, Tiny-Stoned-Egghead.
I never have had the better things to say when I should, actually. But you're one those people who've always known where to go if you wanted to know more. 
You're a sweetheart. You always take out time to listen to others' problems before you come to terms to sharing yours. What the hell! You just don't ever share yours. Sometimes, well.
Psst! Probably you had me since the beginning. Even before you gave me your number for help in Structures. Well, that didn't turn out to be so good. But, you did! 
You have amazing eyes. I know that's a first, and I know I've said that before too, BUT, I love them.
Your dismissal has actually been one of the many pulling factors. I-know-you-don't-give-a-shit? Yeah, yeah, I know. It's cute when you do. See? Not my fault. The cute comes out automatically. You should accept it now as a trait. 
The amount of happiness you threw my way by singularly sharing such amazing music, is beyond definition. Let me know if you find a way for me to repay you for that.
Not just music, solely. You always know how to make people happy. For a silent nutjob like you, that's a pretty good job you do. 
You're crazy, man. Crazy till the limit of driving my crazy, crazy. I've shared things with you, which I haven't with another soul. You always keep running away from the world. It was tough, of course, opening you up and looking inside you. You weren't that different, when I did. 
You know there comes a time, when you see someone and hoped you could speak to them. Hoped they could become someone important to you. You were that one person, Pix. 
You have the most beautiful mind I've ever seen. I could only wish to be as nice and amazing as a person you are. You make think just so much.
Each time I see a book, or just as simply listen to a new song, I try thinking what'll you think about it, what'll you do. If you'd take that book, or you'd leave that song halfway, and search a remix version in the next tab? If certain songs do something to you, or what is it about your already favourite songs that make you tick, which part makes you feel that you should play it?
I look at new people everyday. I look at them, I observe them, and I think, what if nobody out of all these had a mind like yours. What if you're the only one idiotic piece I met? 
The only thing I regret is not knowing and understanding you enough. I wish I had. I really do. Even in a crowd of millions, I could easily spot you. Because you wouldn't even be walking in another direction, you'd just be there, by that wall, with your earphones tucked, thinking how stupid people can be. You're, I think what people call diamonds. True that, because you were one tough nut to crack, boss. 
You might never get the magnitude of my feelings and respect for you. But one thing you can, is that there's way beyond your messes, love. And trust me, if you give a chance, people will figure you out. That would make me jealous like nothing else, somebody else knowing you just about right. 
You need to trust yourself more, you'll know how to live then. 
I wanted to be the one to save you. You know, you meet some people, and you just want to be the reason for their happiness? That. I wanted to make you see you. You keep finding good things about people, I wish you'd do that more often to yourself. You'd be surprised, really.

I still trust you as much as I did a couple of months back. You're the only thing I've trusted myself with. Because I know, no matter how reckless I'm with myself, you wouldn't be. I utterly believe in you. 
You're so talented and honest and strong. Exasperatingly ignorant, at times, yes. But you are the reason I could believe again, Pix. You're the reason I'm not cold and calculative anymore. And you're the reason I smile, again. 
I wish life had a repeat button. I would never get tired of repeating these three months that I've known you. You don't know what they are to me. I'm always going to carry whatever I've had of you with me, forever. Well, forever doesn't exist, I know. Till as long as I'll live. 
I wish I knew how to love unselfishly. Because I wanted you so badly, it's not even funny, that I could have given anything for you.
You've taught me to be free again. And there's nothing I can be more thankful for. 

You're still the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're crazy. My kind of crazy. You'll always be. There'll be a time when we might cross each other, and not even smile. But I want you to know, that I'll still turn around and look at you. I'll always be here. No matter who I or you'll be with, I'll still always be here. And I'd still want to love you, even if I get the world at my disposal. You took a big chunk from me. Keep it, if it'll remind you of me from time to time. There's nothing more I'd expect. I'm not afraid of the dark so much anymore, I guess. Maybe because it's in there, I'll find you sometimes. Your smile is contagious, it makes me smile too. So don't ever lose it.
I want to say a lot more, but I don't want to wet my keyboard.

Happy Birthday, Pix.
I love you, beyond you. 




Love, always,
Ak.

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