Thursday, 3 December 2015

BlogMas 2015 Day Two! - Habits

Hello, everybody! And, it's BlogMas Day Two!
I had a very quiet day today, as it happens. I had a goodly amount of sleep, woke up absolutely refreshed to a cup of cappuccino, which I was excited for, to be honest. Know this, friends. Coffee is the best way to wake me up - not in a let the caffeine kick the zombie out of me, but physically get me out of bed and fight the internal zombie of sleep. 

My yesterday's conversation ended about how people become a habit that are seldom easily let loose. The issue is, no matter what one's circumstances, or what one must have been through, there's always someone they let a peek of what's on the inside. And I don't mean it wherein only people who have been passed an emotional turmoil do that. Almost everyone for infinite amount of reasons do that. And it's really easy to lean outwards than inwards. Well, most times. 

I've talked before during my first year of college many time how harshly your bubble about the kinds of people that exist in the world bursts. I think everyone is just running around too scared. Probably, of everything. Of failures, not getting a job, fights with their partners, fights with their family, problems with siblings, not making it to class/work on time, not being able to do enough for the world, or as simple as of just not being themselves. After you see what scares everyone, that's the fun part - you see how brilliantly artistic people are at masking what they precisely fear. In doing it so often as everyday, it becomes second nature. And let me tell you, it's not all that difficult as it sounds.

Well I, for one, (as I've noticed a pattern about myself) tend to lean on somebody whose quality(ies) I idealise, or someone I consider extremely and strongly comfortable with themselves in their circumstances or looks or conditions or sexuality or whatever else it might be. And while I'm busy leaning, I make it abundantly clear that I'm not - and I gravitate towards being really obstinate about it (see? masking). And there's also the fact, I don't lean on too long. It sort of makes me feel as if I'm taking something from someone without them knowing, and deceiving them into giving it to me. That right there, is a way of making people drain emotionally and that's something I never intentionally want happening to someone - I know how that feels. 

But that also might be a way of letting someone in, or being allowed the privilege to be let in, provided you're not being a world-class artist at hiding what you're feeling. And at times, it doesn't confiscate from you immeasurably. At times, it's just the simplest of things. Like a hug. And it'll seem as natural as breathing. 

Speaking of simple things, I'll get back to you on that tomorrow.
Until then.
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Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

Ak.

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