Hello. It's Day Fifteen.
Anticipation is a funny thing. The point before something beginning, or something ending - when nothing is said and done, or everything is out in the open - is humbling. These are times when you don't know the answer to what now, or what next. And it's a loop. this situation occurs a lot in an architecture school. The only thing you do know is what that place would be called. You never know how it's going to look, how you're going to even reach that point when it's done. It's mostly somewhere in the middle when you have just the slightest idea of what it was and how it's going to be. The rest is just details. There were always two types of students - one who finished the loop and others who fell into the centre like a dead electron. I have fallen in the latter category more than twice during school. Maybe not so much, but I probably jumped on another loop just when I was about to finish the first. It's hard sometimes to like your own work. Much less, be satisfied by it. Unmistakably, not fall for it. My brother (the bugger) questioned me once if I was normal in the head or not. In retrospect, I mostly stopped liking what I was making when a guide or someone else started liking it. It's like parent behaviour, I reckon. When someone tells you how amazing your child is at something, you try to hone much more of them, trying to callously free them of any habit that could possibly belittle them in front of others.
Architecture is, hands down, not an education that can satisfy your need to learn something. It's not impossible, just highly unlikely. It's easy to solve a question and write its answer in a paper. It's harder to create something that is pleasing to all. And staying on the loop, feeling dissatisfaction is hard. But stay on the loop. And I suggest that because I most veritably didn't. Don't be an electron. I'm on my way to watch Star Wars now. Woop woop? Yeah.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.